The following is a brief summary of some of thoughts said over by R' Frand on the parsha this evening. I have attempted to reproduce these vorts to the best of my ability. Any perceived inconsistency is the result of my efforts to transcribe the shiur and should not be attributed to R' Frand.
R' Frand noted that the inyan of Ben Tzorer U' Moreh ("BTUM") follows immediately after the Torah's discussion in Devarim 21:16-17 of the rules of inheritance in that the first born takes a double portion of the estate. But is the reason for the juxtaposition of the two topics?
R' Frand quoted the Shem M'Shmuel which states that the first born takes a double portion because he sets the tone for the rest of the children who come afterwards. The way that he acts and behaves influences the rest of the family. R' Frand noted that the wife of the Rosh Yeshiva (R' Ruderman) was the first in her family to get married and before she got married, her father told her - you need to marry a Talmid Chacham, because who you choose will set the standard for the rest of the family. As a result, all the other daughters in her family followed her lead to marry Talmidei Chachamim.
The lesson is that beginnings are very important - the first born child sets the standard for the family and the beginning of the BTUM's life is indicative of how he will behave, which is why the punishment applies when he shows that he is going down that path.
R' Frand also noted that we behave differently during Aseres Yimei Teshuva, whether or not it will continue throughout the year. R' Frand said that this is why people are makpid to eat Pas Yisrael in Aseres Yimei Teshuva. This is not to trick Hashem, CVS. But it is meant to show that beginnings are important and that we want to start the year on the right foot by being Machmir for Pas Yisrael.
R' Frand then noted that the Gemara in Sanhedrin states that there never was a BTUM and that it is taught so that we can receive reward for learning the subject. But immediately thereafter, R' Yochanan states that he saw a BTUM and and sat on his grave. How is this to be understood?
R' Frand quoted the Chasam Sofer who explains that the Gemara is saying that Beis Din never executed a BTUM, but they did exist. R' Yochanan did see a BTUM who himself was killed when he attempted to rob someone in order to feed his desires. And R' Yochanan said - I saw someone who was like a BTUM and like the Gemara predicted, he was killed when he tried to rob someone.
But what is the meaning of the statement that it was taught so that one can receive reward? Learn from the story what can happen if a kid is corrupted at an early stage because its not going to end well. So if you see this occurring, act accordingly.
R' Frand also said a vort on the mitzva of Shiluach HaKen which has a promise of a dual reward of a good life and a long life. R' Frand noted that mitzva of honoring parents has the same dual reward but in the reverse order. But why?
R' Frand quoted the Shemen HaTov who explains that Shiluach HaKen can apply equally to people of any age. But a kid in his 20s being told that he will have a long life won't be that meaningful as he does not see his own mortality. But being told that he will have a good life does.
Meanwhile the mitzva of Kibbud Av does not really become a major issue until the parents are older. When a person is young, he stands up for a parent and speaks nicely to a parent and respects the parent. But when the parent is older and the child is now older as well, it becomes much more difficult. And at that age when the parent is older, the child also is older and now the promise of long life is much more appealing. At this stage, the child is told, you will receive a long life for honoring your parent and the child anticipates that his children will take care of him as a result.
R' Frand closed his remarks by talking about his father who came to the US in 1939 and then brought his wife, son and his own mother over a year later. R' Frand said that his grandmother lived with them until the late 1950s at which point she needed to go to a nursing home following a stroke. And even though the home was a half hour drive from their house and his grandmother did not recognize her son, R' Frand's father drove every night to see her (other than leil Shabbos).
R' Frand said that he wanted to do the same for his mother, even though she lived in Seattle and she had Parkinson's and could not communicate. R' Frand said that every time that he had a speaking engagement on the West Coast he would go to see her. And even though she could not communicate, he would go to see her and to the best of his ability, he would tell her about his life. R' Frand said that one of the last times that he saw her they sat and watched the US Open, even though his mother thought that golf was stupid and she hated it. Still, they sat and he held his mother's hand and they watched it together to spend some time together, to fulfill his father's legacy.
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