The following is a brief summary of a thought said over by R' Frand in his shiur this evening. I have attempted to reproduce this vort to the best of my ability. Any perceived inconsistencies are the result of my efforts to transcribe the shiur and should not be attributed to R' Frand.
In Bereishis 18:9, the Torah mentions that the angels who came to see Avraham asked him - where is Sarah your wife. Avraham responded to the angels that Sarah was in the tent. Rashi (quoting the gemara in Bava Metzia 87a) indicates that the angels knew where Sarah was. They only asked Avraham where Sarah was in order to make it known that she was modest and thereby make her more dear to Avraham.
R' Volbe in his Kuntris Chasanim writes that the purpose of the singing during the sheva brachos of kalla na'ah v'chasuda is to make the bride more dear to the husband. By praising the bride to the groom at this early stage, we can add cement to the foundation of the marriage.
This may be understandable at the beginning of the marriage, buy why did the angels need to endear Sarah to Avraham at this juncture? Avraham and Sarah had been married for many decades before this encounter. Also, did Avraham Avinu really need someone else to remind him how great his wife was?
R' Frand answered that we learn from the story that there is a constant need to build and refresh in a marriage as stagnation kills relationships. This is also the reason for the niddah rules, as the wife is more chaviv to her husband following the separation period.
R' Frand then told a story in the name of a Rabbi Friedman who had said the story over in the name of Rabbi Shalom Wallach [I may be a bit off with these names]. The story involves a R' David Hershwitz who had learned in the Mirrer Yeshiva in Europe before WWII and then eventually moved to America. Forty years later, R' Hershwitz travelled to Israel to visit the Mirrer Yeshiva which had now migrated to Israel via Shanghai. When he arrived, he met with R' Chaim Shmulevitz who greeted him warmly. R' Chaim asked him whether he wanted to join them for lunch and (after asking permission from his wife) invited R' Hershwitz to come to his home for lunch.
When they arrived at the house, R' Chaim asked his wife what was for lunch. She answered that she had made chicken and rice. He ate the chicken with gusto and then commented on the quality of the food before asking as to the spices his wife had used in making the meal. She answered him and then he asked for (and received) a second helping. He ate this as well and commended her on her cooking.
When the meal was done, R' Hershwitz asked R' Chaim what had happened? The boy that R' Hershwitz remembered from yeshiva used to have to be reminded to eat because he was so absorbed in his learning that he forgot about meals. Indeed, at times he even needed to be reminded to bentch, because he got back into learning and forgot that he had eaten. How could this same person now be discussing the finer points of his wife's cooking and taking seconds?
R' Chaim answered - I am the best maggid shiur in Israel. I am not being haughty in saying this - my shiurim were developed over forty years and I have fine tuned them to the point that they are at right now. However, when a 17 year old student comes over to me after a shiur and tells me that it was a "nice shiur" it makes my day. The student does not know the hard work that went into the shiur and the time it took for me to develop the thought, but it still thrills me nonetheless that he enjoyed it.
R Chaim then explained - my wife's cooking is her shiur. She has worked hard at making this meal and my asking about it and commending her on her cooking makes her day. By praising her for her cooking, I show my appreciation for her dedication.
I can recall seeing a similar incident at the home of my Rebbi, R' Goldvicht when I was twenty years old. I had a meal in their apartment on 186th Street on Shavuos. After the meal, R' Goldvicht praised his wife for her cooking and said "If I knew Torah as well as my wife cooks, I would be the Gadol Hador."
The statement seemed cute to me at the time, but now with the benefit of eleven+ years of marriage I can tie it together. Spouses need to know they are appreciated and anything that an outsider can do to raise the level of respect that one spouse has for the value of the other can only help to further cement the marriage.
If you have seen this post being carried on another site such as JBlog, please feel free to click here to find other articles on the kosherbeers blogsite. Hey its free and you can push my counter numbers up!
No comments:
Post a Comment