The following is a brief summary of some of thoughts said over by R' Frand on the parsha this evening. I have attempted to reproduce these vorts to the best of my ability. Any perceived inconsistency is the result of my efforts to transcribe the shiur and should not be attributed to R' Frand.
In the end of the parsha, the Torah recounts an interesting conversation between Yosef and his brothers. In Bereishis 50:15-21, the brothers express fear that now that Ya'akov has died, Yosef will take revenge against them. They then instructed messengers to tell Yosef that Ya'akov had given instruction before he died that Yosef should forgive the brothers. To this, Yosef responds, you intended bad, but Hashem intended good and I will support you and your families.
R' Frand quoted the Targum Yonasan Ben Uziel which filled in some of the story. The Targum first asked - why were the brothers afraid now that Yosef would take revenge? It answered by noting that during the 17 years after Ya'akov and the brothers permanently came down to Egypt, Yosef ate meals with them. However, after Ya'akov's passing, Yosef ceased this practice.
The Targum further explained that the reason that Yosef stopped eating meals with his brothers was that he was uncomfortable with his seat at the head of the table. Yosef felt that Reuven as the eldest or Yehuda as the future king of the Jews should have that position of honor. When Ya'akov was alive, he told Yosef that Yosef should sit at the head of the table because Yosef was 2nd to Pharaoh in Egypt. But now that Ya'akov had passed, Yosef did not want to continue to sit at the head of the table.
This is seen in the language of Bereishis 50:20 where Yosef says to the brothers --you thought I had bad intentions by separating from you, but Hashem knows that I am still uncomfortable with this seat and that is why I am not eating with you.
R' Frand quoted R' Elya Svei who remarked that Yosef's feeling of discomfort was incredible, given that this was 17 years later where he had continued the practice on a daily basis. While it would be understandable if the feeling of unease lasted for a few weeks, or months ..but 17 years? This showed how Yosef in reality felt about the brothers. He was not angry or seeking revenge, he wanted to give the position of honor to someone else.
R' Frand gave a personal example of how his seat in the Beis Medrash had changed for davening many years ago and he felt uncomfortable about sitting with the older, honored Rabbis on the Eastern wall of the room. But that eventually passed and he does not think twice about his seat.
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