Rabbi Frand's Teshuva Derasha - 5781

The following is a summary of some of the thoughts said by Rabbi Frand in his teshuva derasha played tonight live from Baltimore. Same rules as usual apply. I have attempted to summarize many of the thoughts (but not every thought said during the hour long shiur) to the best of my abilities. Any inconsistencies are the results of my transcription and should not be attributed to R' Frand.

R' Frand began by noting that there would be no surprise that the Teshuva Derasha would discuss the impact of the pandemic on our lives and Teshuva.

R' Frand began by noting that in previous years when a person said Avinu Malkeinu Mena Mageifa, it would not provoke much of a strong reaction from the tzibur, but this year "the walls will be shaking" when the people say this line.

R' Frand then noted that we did not know last year how our prayers would be answered when we said "U'VChen Tein Pachdacha" because this year everyone is aware and in fear on Hashem and what will be. And perhaps we have become accustomed to it, but in March and April, we were all afraid. We see that all nations are aware and afraid, and they say this is G-d talking to us.

R' Frand said that in the early days of the pandemic he heard people saying "G-d has brought the world to its knees." This is the Aleinu, a prayer that people say "halfway out of shul." But we hope that the rest of the line will come true this year.

R' Frand remarked that at Neilah we say "L'Shana HaBa'ah B'Yerushalayim." On Pesach we said it and we believed it, but we say it and we really mean it. Jews have become less comfortable in this country and we have seen the torching of the Chabad House at the University of Delaware. And the highway sign on the 405 which states "The Jews Want a Race War" alongside a sign that says "Honk if you agree."

R' Frand quoted the Gemara in Baba Basra about people who were on a boat and landed on an island...or so they thought. It was a whale and when it was too warm for the whale it turned over and were they not too close to the other ship they would have drowned.

The Maharsha says that this is parable for the Jews of Galus. Whether in Spain or in Europe, there was a time that we felt comfortable in Galus and then we realized it was Galus. And now in the US we are starting to feel this and we will say the L'Shana HaBa'ah and mean it.

R' Frand then said - you may have anticipated the topic of the derasha, but it could be summed up in three words - Have We Changed? If we came out of this and are exactly the same as when it began, then we have failed to understand the significance of this world wide event.

R' Frand quoted a Rashi in Parshas Shelach which asked what the connection was between the story of Miriam speaking Lashon Hara about Moshe and received leprosy and then the story of the Meraglim? He answers that it was that the Meraglim saw her get punished for Loshon Hara and they did not learn. We need to learn as well.

R' Frand also quoted a Rashi on Berishis 9:20 where the Torah states וַיָּ֥חֶל נֹ֖חַ אִ֣ישׁ הָֽאֲדָמָ֑ה וַיִּטַּ֖ע כָּֽרֶם. The use of the word VaYachel means Chullin and Rashi explains that this was an opportunity to do something elevated, but he chose mundane. R' Frand quoted R' Wein who explained that Noach's choice transformed him from a man of G-d to a man of the earth. He had the ability to do something significant when he came out and he chose to make wine.

R' Frand said that we cannot go back to our trivial pursuits that have occupied our lives until now. We survived this and need to change how we live our lives.

R' Frand told a story from R' Wein about his grandfather in the 1940s in Chicago. A man came to his house to paint his house, but his grandfather said - we can't have our house painted when Jews are being slaughtered in Europe. He asked the painter - how much was my daughter going to pay you and the man replied $80. His grandfather took out his checkbook and paid the man the $80 so that he did not lose his parnasah. R' Frand said - there are no Jews being slaughtered in Europe and I am not saying that we should not have our houses painted, but we need to change the way that we do things.

R' Frand told another story about the Gerrer Rebbi as a younger man visiting the Kotsker Rebbi. The Kotsker Rebbi could be very ascerbic and sharp and asked the younger man - have you ever answered a question that Tosafos asks or the Rashba asks? He said yes. The Kostsker then asked - have you answered the question of the captain? What do you mean? The captain of the ship that Yonah was on. Everyone was praying and Yonah was sleeping on the boat. The captain asked him - how can you sleep through this if we are about to die? How can anyone "sleep" and not be impacted.

R' Frand told another story about R' Neuwirth, the author of the Shmiras Shabbs K'Kilchosah. He explains in the introduction to the sefer that he wrote it because of his family's story. They fled Germany to Holland and then to France, The entire way, his father was makpid to never desecrate the Shabbos. But when R' Neuwirth had an opportunity to go to what at the time was Palestine, he had to board the boat on Shabbos and desecrate the Shabbos on the boat as well. He decided that in order to honor the Shabbos he would write a sefer about contemporary Shabbos halacha, because he wanted to atone for his actions. R' Frand remarked that this is an example of taking the opportunity to improve as a result of an important event.

What can we do to change as a result? Some people have said that since we were locked out of shul for so long, we need to treat our shuls with more respect. He mentioned that someone told him that he entered the shul for the first time by saying Mah Tovu, but then added the second pasuk - I will come to the shul because of Your Chesed and I will bow there in awe of you. 

Some people took on to not look at their cellphones in shuls. Others have accepted on themselves to not speak about secular topics in shul.

R' Frand also mentioned the lesson that some of taken about how to make a Bar Mitzva or how to make a wedding. He mentioned the countless videos of brides walking down the street or driveway to their chuppahs in a backyard. Maybe the lesson is that these don't need to be lavish affairs, to borrow $100,000 to make a simcha. He said that he is not advocating making only backyard weddings, but maybe they should be limited to the family and the close friends of the bride and groom, with a reception for friends afterwards.

R' Frand remarked that there are three relationships - between Man and Hashem, between Man and his friend and between Man and himself. The first suggestion of changing the way one acts in shul is between Man and Hashem. The changing of the standards for weddings is between Man and his friend, because this way the pressure will be off everyone to make lavish weddings, especially when they can't afford them. But there is also between Man and himself - we were together with our families for a long time - what kind of spouse were you, what kind of parent were you? Were You happy with the way that you treated your spouse or child? And if you saw flaws in yourself, will you improve?

In the Seder we mention that your child will come to you and say Mah Zos? What is this? But in the future, your grandchild will say why are you machmir? Why are you doing this above and beyond? And you will answer - because there was a pandemic and many people died, and I decided, I am going to do things differently, because I survived and I learned from this.

R' Frand said that he is not going to suggest what people should do as he is not a prophet, but he wanted to share things that he learned and what we wanted to put into action. He said that during the first three months he started to think about things that we take for granted. Our health - the first time of a cough or sneeze, we asked is this it? Good health is a gift, don't take it for granted.

R' Frand remarked that he and his wife missed their children and grandchildren terribly, especially at Pesach. He said that this was the first time in sixty years that his wife asked the Mah Nishtana. And this was the first time in 25 years that they made their own Pesach. They had given away all of their Pesach keilim. So their children in Baltimore made all of their Pesach food for them. Their children from Brooklyn and Lakewood drove down and stood in their parking lot for half an hour and then drove back, without even using the background.

R' Frand talked about how after the three day yom tov, they ventured out to talk to people on Yeshiva Lane and how much he appreciated it, even from six feet or fifteen feet away.

But the real takeaway is that he learned that you can't take anything or anybody for granted.

R' Frand told a story about a man who was very sick and was on a ventilator for three days, but evenntualy came home. Later he got the bill and began crying. His family asked him, are you crying because of how high the bill is? He said no, I am crying because I see how much they charged me to breathe and I realized that I never thanked Hashem for the ability to breathe. A person takes 23,000 breaths on average a day, do you thank Hashem for this?

R' Frand suggested paying more attention to the parts of davening where we thank Hashem for what we have received, such as Modim, or the Asher Yatzar where we thank Hashem for our body's ability to work. Or the Birkas HaShachar where we thank Hashem for our ability to see. He mentioned a student of his who had a detached retina and more recently, a second detached retina and how thankful we should be for the ability to see. He mentioned that he himself suffered a back injury and could not straighten up and now says the Beracha of Zokef Kiffufim with more concentration.

R' Frand also talked about being more appreciative of the people around us who we take for granted - our spouses, our children, our parents, our teachers, our Rebbeim and our Rabbanim - who were pulled in many directions and guided us.

R' Frand said that he never learned Daf Yomi, but had decided to begin when Daf Yomi started Meseches Shabbos on March 8th, when the pandemic was just beginning in the United States. And when things began closing and many social connections disappeared, there was still the daf, or chumash with Rashi or Tehillim. R' Frand said that he thought about the line from the davening on Yom Kippur - we have nothing but HaTorah HaZos - he had the daf and the parsha, even when everything else was disappearing.

R' Frand quoted the Gemara in Yevamos talking about R' Gamliel who was on a boat and saw another boat with R' Akiva on it and it sank. When he started his Beis Din and R' Akiva appeared before him, he asked - who saved you? And he answered, I had a board (a daf) and I held onto it and it saved me when each wave was crashing over me. The daf pulled me through.

R' Frand said that we thought that this was done, but now there may be a second wave. He quoted R' Schlesinger from Monsey who said that this is common. He does not know why this is happening, but maybe Hashem is saying - I potched you because you did not behave and then I gave you a chance to learn from it, but did you learn from it? The clock is ticking.

What should a person do to change as a result? After 120, you will come to Shamayim and Hashem will ask what did you do? And even if its not the change that Hashem wanted, you can at least say - I tried! There are no prophets here, but I chose this as a way to impove and maybe Hashem will say OK - at least you tried. But you can't sit and do nothing.

R' Frand closed by saying that we should take the line at the end of that part of Ne'ilah to heart and say - Hashem, please have mercy on the remainder of the Jewish people and forgive them.

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