The following is a brief summary of some of thoughts on the parsha that R' Frand spoke about in his shiur tonight. I have attempted to reproduce these vorts to the best of my ability. Any perceived inconsistency is the result of my efforts to transcribe the shiur and should not be attributed to R' Frand.
Parshas Toldos begins with the story of Rivka being unable to conceive and Yitzchak praying for her. In Bereishis 25:21 the Torah states וַיֶּעְתַּ֨ר יִצְחָ֤ק לַֽיהֹוָה֙ לְנֹ֣כַח אִשְׁתּ֔וֹ כִּ֥י עֲקָרָ֖ה הִ֑וא וַיֵּעָ֤תֶר לוֹ֙ יְהֹוָ֔ה וַתַּ֖הַר רִבְקָ֥ה אִשְׁתּֽוֹ
The Rabbeinu Bachya notes that this pasuk is constructed seemingly backwards as it first states that Yitzchak prayed and afterwards explains that the prayer was because his wife was barren. But it could have stated, Rivka was barren and therefor Yitzchak prayed for her.
He answers that the reason the prayer is mentioned first is because prayer is the most important aspect. Rivka's infertility was not the reason to pray, instead Hashem wanted a tefillah from Yitzchak and the reason that she was barren was so that he would daven. The gemara states that Sarah, Rivka and Rachel had problems conceiving, because Hashem loved the prayers of the avos.
The lesson from this pasuk is that the world needs tefillah and the problems that we have are so that we daven, whether its for health or parnassah or related to child raising.
He then tied this thought into the pasuk in Bereishis 2:5 in which the Torah states - וְכֹ֣ל | שִׂ֣יחַ הַשָּׂדֶ֗ה טֶ֚רֶם יִֽהְיֶ֣ה בָאָ֔רֶץ וְכָל־עֵ֥שֶׂב הַשָּׂדֶ֖ה טֶ֣רֶם יִצְמָ֑ח כִּי֩ לֹ֨א הִמְטִ֜יר יְהֹוָ֤ה אֱלֹהִים֙ עַל־הָאָ֔רֶץ וְאָדָ֣ם אַ֔יִן לַֽעֲבֹ֖ד אֶת־הָֽאֲדָמָֽה . Rashi comments that the reason that there were no trees and no vegetation and that Hashem sent no rain, was because there was no man yet to pray for it.
R' Frand summed the vort up as - needs are there so that we can daven, as we do not daven as well when we don't need things.
R' Frand quoted a sefer which cited R' Shimshon Pincus who said that women have a tough life - they are worried about getting married and then after they are worried about having children. Then comes the discomfort of pregnancy and childbirth and then the pain of raising children. Men don't have the same concerns. Why? Because Hashem wants women to pray. A man's tachlis is Torah, but women were created to pray and their spiritual essence is prayer, because Hashem wants their prayers.
R' Frand quoted a pasuk from the end of the parsha where Rivka says to Yitzchak וַתֹּ֤אמֶר רִבְקָה֙ אֶל־יִצְחָ֔ק קַ֣צְתִּי בְחַיַּ֔י מִפְּנֵ֖י בְּנ֣וֹת חֵ֑ת אִם־לֹקֵ֣חַ יַֽ֠עֲקֹ֠ב אִשָּׁ֨ה מִבְּנֽוֹת־חֵ֤ת כָּאֵ֨לֶּה֙ מִבְּנ֣וֹת הָאָ֔רֶץ לָ֥מָּה לִּ֖י חַיִּֽים - Rivka says that she would be disgusted with her life if Yaakov married a girl from the daughters of Cheis, why would I have a life if she married one of them.
The Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh asked - why didn't she tell him the real reason that Yaakov had to leave? Because this was lashon hara and she did not want to tell her husband that. She only told Yaakov that Esav wanted to kill him because it would save his life.
R' Frand commented on this that we see from the story that the laws of lashon hara apply to husband and wife. There may be something which occurred which you want to tell your spouse, but the laws apply to these communications as well.
R' Frand quoted a Sefer Om Ani Choma which quoted the Chazon Ish who states that if something horrible happens to you and it really bothers you, this can be the subject of a conversation with your wife or vice versa, because their role is to relieve your stress.
R' Frand closed the shiur with an incredible story. There was a couple who had a 9 year old son. The boy had a brain tumor and they travelled from Israel to the US for treatment. Then COVID hit. The hospital allowed the parents to stay with the child, but only one parent at a time and that parent could not leave the room the entire shift. Thus each parent stayed for a week at a time and then switched. One week the husband came home and he saw a bag on the door of the house he was staying in. He opened the bag and saw a tefillin bag with his son's name embroidered on it, with tefillin inside. There was a note on it that the tefillin was given so that his son should wear it on his bar mitzvah and the tefillin were written for him. The father said that he had great chizuk from this and even though the boy unfortunately passed away, it gave him hope at the time.
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