Although the live Rabbi Frand shiurim on the Parsha have restarted, tonight there was a technical probelm and TCN was unable to show the live shiur, so I have summarized R' Frand's pre-recorded Parsha vort from OU Torah. This week's vort can be found at https://outorah.org/p/89362, but I have attempted to reproduce the vort to the best of my ability in this post. [If TCN sends a link to this week's "live" shiur, I will try to summarize it in a post after Shabbos.] Any perceived inconsistency is the result of my efforts to transcribe the shiur and should not be attributed to the maggid shiur.
R' Frand quoted the pesukim from this week's parsha which have the root of the popular concept of Shana Rishonah (Devarim 24:5-6) in which the Torah discusses the exemption from war for a man who is in the first year of marriage.
R' Frand noted that the words in Devarim 24:6 וְשִׂמַּ֖ח אֶת־אִשְׁתּ֥וֹ אֲשֶׁר־לָקָֽח are conjugated as Loshon Pe'ale - which means that he should do something to someone else - he should be involved in making his wife happy. R' Frand quoted Rashi who notes that that the grammar supports this lashon - he should make his wife happy. He also quotes the Targum Onkelos which has the same reasoning. Rashi also quoted the Targum Yonasan Ben Uziel which states that a man should be happy with his wife, a lashon which Rashi rejects.
R' Frand quoted the Shemen HaTov who explains that the Targum Yonasan Ben Uziel knew his dikduk and that the pasuk means to make your wife happy. But what he is teaching is that - if you make it your business to make your wife happy (V'Simach) then you will happy with your wife (V'Samach Es Ishto).
R' Frand explained that when a man first goes into marriage he is thinking about himself and his wife is thinking about herself. In order to get to the point where they can be happy together, he needs to stop thinking about himself and start thinking about her happiness.
R' Frand then said a vort based on the bracha said after a child is born that he should be raised L'Torah, U'Lchupa, U'Lmaasim Tovim. He observed that this seems to be out of order. We would understand that Torah is first, but why is good deeds after marriage? If anything it should be right after Torah!
R' Frand answered by giving a mashal - a poor Kollel family sends the husband to the supermarket to buy cereal. He wants to buy Frosted Flakes and she wants Kashi - at $5 a box for cereal, a Kollel husband needs to make the call to only buy one and in R' Frand's (true) observation - Kashi tastes like a box of cardboard.
R' Frand then said - lets make it less dramatic - she wants Rice Krispies and he wants Cheerios. Both taste good, but he has different preferences than his wife. Until now, he always bought what he wanted. But now he is married and he has to put someone else first. This is the moment when Maasim Tovim come to the forefront - now that he is married will he put her first? If he does, than it truly will be V'Samach Es Ishto.
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