The following is a brief summary of some of thoughts said over by R' Frand on the parsha this evening. I have attempted to reproduce these vorts to the best of my ability. Any perceived inconsistency is the result of my efforts to transcribe the shiur and should not be attributed to R' Frand.
The firs vort that Rabbi Frand said related to a pasuk in Mishlei 31:20 (more well known through the Aishes Chayil we say on Friday Nights) - יָדֶיהָ שִׁלְּחָ֣ה בַכִּישׁ֑וֹר. The Yalkut Shemoni says that this pasuk relates to Yael the wife of Chever HaKeini who used a tent peg to kill Sisra. Specifically, it praises Yael for using the tent peg and not a sword. Why did she not use the sword? Because of the pasuk in this week's parsha which prohibits women from wearing men's clothing.
But this was a time of Hatzlas Nefashos! R' Frand further indicated that he believes that if she asked the question she would have been told to use the sword. So why is she praised? Because when we are under pressure we don't think and analyze the halacha. But Yael's instinct was to think of the halacha.
R' Frand tied this into a vort from R' Ruderman ZTL about Manoach the father of Shimshon who the Gemara in Berachos says was an am ha'aretz for walking behind his wife when going to greet the angel. R' Ruderman explained - he was an am ha'aretz because when he heard that there was an angel he should have run to see the angel, rather than walking calmly behind his wife.
R' Frand said a second vort about the interplay of the inyanim in the first aliyah in that the rule of the Bechor inheriting a double portion comes before the law of Ben Sorer U'Moreh. R' Frand quoted the Shem M'Shmuel who explains that a Bechor gets a double portion because he has a special responsibility and sets the tone for the rest of the children who will follow him.
R' Frand again linked this to R' Ruderman in that he married the oldest daughter of R' Sheftel Kramer. When she started dating, R' Kramer told her that she had to marry a Talmid Chacham, because the guy you marry will set the tone for your sisters.
This is why the Bechor gets double - he sets the tone as the first one, because there is an importance to getting the beginning correct. This is why the Ben Sorer U'Moreh gets the death penalty - because if the beginning is bad, it is very hard to correct.
R' Frand said a third vort related to the law of Shana Rishona which is seen in the pasuk in Devarim 24:5 - וְשִׂמַּ֖ח אֶת־אִשְׁתּ֥וֹ אֲשֶׁר־לָקָֽח. Rashi explains that based on Onkelos that this pasuk means that a man should make his wife happy and that anyone who translates it as being happy with his wife is mistaken.
But the Targum Yonasan Ben Uziel does use that explanation. Could he have been mistaken?
R' Frand answered based on the Shemen HaTov who explains that yes - you must make your wife happy, but the result is that if you make her happy, you will be happy with her. R' Frand said the maamar of the world is - "if Momma ain't happy, you ain't happy."
R' Frand once observed that when a man first goes into marriage he is thinking about himself and his wife is thinking about herself. In order to get to the point where they can be happy together, he needs to stop thinking about himself and start thinking about her happiness.
R' Frand then said a vort from R' Breitowitz based on the bracha said after a child is born that he should be raised L'Torah, U'Lchupa, U'Lmaasim Tovim. He observed that this seems to be out of order. We would understand that Torah is first, but why is good deeds after marriage? If anything it should be right after Torah!
R' Frand answered by giving a mashal - a poor Kollel family sends the husband to the supermarket to buy cereal. He wants to buy Honey Nut Cheerios and she wants Kashi - at $5 a box for cereal, a Kollel husband needs to make the call to only buy one and in R' Frand's (true) observation - Kashi tastes like a box of cardboard.
R' Frand then said - lets make it less dramatic - she wants Rice Krispies and he wants Cheerios. Both taste good, but he has different preferences than his wife. Until now, he always bought what he wanted. But now he is married and he has to put someone else first. This is the moment when Maasim Tovim come to the forefront - now that he is married will he put her first? If he does, than it truly will be V'Samach Es Ishto.
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