The following is a brief summary of some of thoughts said over by R' Frand on the parsha last evening. [As we were in Los Angeles for a simcha last evening, I did not an opportunity to view the shiur live and only was able to watch it on Friday]. I have attempted to reproduce these vorts to the best of my ability. Any perceived inconsistency is the result of my efforts to transcribe the shiur and should not be attributed to R' Frand.
R' Frand began the vort by noting that the parsha contains the "interesting" topic of בֵּ֚ן סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמוֹרֶ֔ה - the "wayward and defiant son" who after stealing from his parents to buy meat and wine multiple times is executed before he can come to rob and kill strangers. R' Frand quoted the Rabbeinu B'Chaye who writes that the בֵּ֚ן סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמוֹרֶ֔ה never occurred. This opinion is also found in the Gemara, which then asks, why is the concept written in the Chumash? The Gemara answers that it is written דרוש וקבל שכר.
But why specifically do we need this topic to be taught for the purposes of דרוש וקבל שכר? Why not teach some other subject? The Rabbeinu B'Chaye answers that דרוש וקבל שכר is applicable because it teaches lessons in Ahavas Hashem - because if a person is willing to bring their child to Beis Din, it shows how much he loves Hashem. It is well known that the greatest love is the love of a parent for their child. The lesson here is that one's love of Hashem has to be even greater. This is what it means by דרוש וקבל שכר - look at the parsha and learn out its implications.
We have a well known example in Avraham Avinu. Avraham wanted a child for many years and after being blessed with Yitzchak he loved him greatly. Yet, when Hashem ordered Avraham to sacrifice Yitzchak at the Akeidah, he did not hesitate. The Rabbeinu B'Chaye says that this is why Avraham is referred to as Avraham Ohavi - Avraham My beloved.
R' Frand also quoted R' Shimshon Refael Hirsch who also learns the concept of דרוש וקבל שכר from this parsha - but he uses it to learn about raising children. R' Hirsch observes that a son can only be a בֵּ֚ן סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמוֹרֶ֔ה from the age of 13 to 13 and a half. Until he is 13, he does not have a Yetzer HaTov, only a Yetzer Hara. Upon reaching 13 he gets a Yetzer HaTov he gains a Yetzer HaTov and there is a battle within him. A parent could theoretically sit back and allow the child to sow his wild oats, but the lesson of the the בֵּ֚ן סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמוֹרֶ֔ה is that the parent needs to set guidelines now.
R' Hirsch also notes that the Gemara in Sanhedrin says that the parents have to be parallel in Kol and Maareh for a child to be a בֵּ֚ן סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמוֹרֶ֔ה. This does not mean that the parents both have to look the same or have the same pitch in their voices. It means that the parents need to have the same approach to parenting - they need to discuss how to handle certain situations amongst themselves and then deal with the child. If the parents do not approach problems the same way, its not the child's fault that he became a בֵּ֚ן סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמוֹרֶ֔ה, because he is confused.
It should be noted that after the Gemara states that there never was a בֵּ֚ן סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמוֹרֶ֔ה, R' Yochanan says that there was a בֵּ֚ן סוֹרֵ֣ר וּמוֹרֶ֔ה. The Rabbeinu B'Chaye asks - how can he argue? He answers either that R' Yochanan was an Amora and he could argue. In the alternative, it could be that there was a similar situation - there was a child that who stole from his parents and when they ran out of money he stole from others and wound up killing. The Chasam Sofer explains that when R' Yochanan says - I sat on his grave, he meant that I saw this child steal from his parents. And then I saw this child grow up and as an adult, that man stole and killed and wound up killing. I sat on his grave - the grave of a person who got into bad habits and wound up killing before he killed. The scenario may not have actually happened, but the scenario does happen, like Avshalom.
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