The following is a brief summary of some of thoughts said over by R' Frand on the parsha this evening. I have attempted to reproduce these vorts to the best of my ability. Any perceived inconsistency is the result of my efforts to transcribe the shiur and should not be attributed to R' Frand.
R' Frand began the vort by quoting the Gemara in Kiddushin 31a about the story of Dama Ben Nassina. The Gemara recites the story about how the Kohanim needed the precious stones for the Urim and Tumim and Dama's father had them in a safe and the keys were under his father's head. The Gemara relates that Dama "Lo Tziaro" which can be translated as he did not "trouble him" and as a result, he lost the ability to sell them for 600,000 coins. Dama was rewarded a year later with a Red Cow and when they came to buy it from him he said that all he wanted was the money that he lost from not being able to sell the stones.
The question that many meforshim ask is why is it that we learn the mitzva of Kibbud Av V'Aim from Dama Ben Nassina?
R' Frand quoted the Avnei Shoham which explains that we don't learn any rules of the mitzva from the story. Instead, we see how far a person is willing to go in order to honor his parent.
R' Frand noted that this mitzva is one of the hardest in the Torah because it is a constant mitzva and when a parent ages it becomes more difficult to do the mitzva. We learn from Dama Ben Nassina that a person can be willing to forego a fortune just to honor his parent. But not only did he give up the money, but it did not bother him. The Avnei Shoham explains Lo Tziaro as - it did not trouble Dama to pass up the sale.
R' Frand then quoted the Sefer L'Meromem which stated that the Chazon Ish would go to sit and visit with his mother for an hour every day. Even though the Chazon Ish was scrupulous never to waste time, he felt it important to sit and shmooze with her daily.
R' Frand said that his father's mother came over from Germany with his own mother. The grandmother lived in their home until she needed more care and was placed in a nursing home. But every day, his father would go visit her. R' Frand said that he could not do the same for his mother as they lived on different ends of the country, but every time that he had a West Coast trip he would make an effort to visit her.
R' Frand recalled the last time that he visited his mother. She had Parkinson's and was no longer able to speak. When R' Frand could not keep the entire conversation by himself they sat and watched the US Open golf tournament, even though his mother hated golf. But this was the tournament where Tiger Woods wrecked the field and they sat together and watched.
R' Frand also told a story about someone who traveled from Jerusalem to Bnei Brak to get a beracha from the Chazon Ish. At the time it was a difficult and expensive journey. When the man was complaining about his illness, the Chazon Ish asked him - was this an expensive trip? The man replied that it was. He then asked - are your parents alive? The man said, yes. And are they well off? No, the man replied, they struggle financially. The Chazon Ish then asked - why are you spending money to visit me for a beracha that may or not be successful? Spend the money on your parents and then ask Hashem to heal you as he promises a reward of long life for honoring your parents and I am just flesh and blood.
R' Frand told a final story about the Sar Shalom (original Belzer Rebbi) whose mother joined him for a seder. When the soup pot came out, she dipped her matza in the soup because she had no teeth and needed to soften it. The Chassidim watched as the Belzer Rebbi not only did say anything, but he took from the soup that the matza had been soaked in. They asked the Rebbi - gebruchtz - chametz! He responded, gebruchtz is a chumra, Kibbud Av V'Aim is a D'Oraysa.
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